First Day Back - Sadie's First Day of Daycare (School...)

Okay, so I lost it last night while I was feeding Sadie...just looking at her and thinking I'm not going to get to just stare at her all day and play with her... Craig walked over and made me feel semi-better... He made it a point to say, "There are going to be a lot of firsts that are going to be hard. First day to kindergarten, graduation, going off to college, etc...". Thanks hon...it really just made me more sad that I have to watch her grow up.
Sadie would NOT go down last night. I put her down at 10:40, she woke up at 11:30. We stayed up until 12:30, so I fed her. I thought for sure she'd take the bottle and go right down. She fell asleep on my shoulder, snoring and all... I put her down, eyes wide open!! We did this 7 times...not a fun game when mommy is exhausted! And stressed about going to work... I really think she sensed my stress and frustration, and so she decided to carry it on out for me. I tried letting her lay on my chest to go to sleep, no way! So...I took her into the living room and put her in her swing, I fell asleep in the recliner, and for a while she just made her little grunting noises and finally went to sleep. My alarm went off at 5:30, Craig came in to ask if I needed to get up... uh YEAH! Unfortunately, I did... So, I quickly got myself ready. I was ready by 6, and fed Sadie. We left the house at 6:35, and got there at 6:50. I teared up just a little on the way, and prayed for strength to get me through the dropping off process and my day. I took her in, got her situated, went back out and got all of her stuff (diapers, wipes, formula...) taken in. Thankfully, she stayed asleep, b/c I absolutely love watching her and playing with her when she's awake, and I think it would've ripped my heart out if she'd been awake. I kissed her, and walked out as fast as I possibly could. I did not cry...I called everyone I could think of that would be awake to keep my mind off of it or just to talk. I got to school, and everyone was so sweet and seemed truly happy that I was back (especially my kids...they did not have a good sub experience...). I didn't really have time to think about how much I missed her... I felt like a fish out of water... So lost, no plans, just clueless. I muttled my way through the day... and my sweet team let me leave at 3:15...and I finally got to pick her up at 4 ish. She's been asleep since... good gracious. "Nana" said she was the "perfect baby" all day. She watched the other kids play and really got excited to watch them run all around her. She ate well, she even took a poopy! She felt right at home I'm sure. I'm also sure she's exhausted from our late night last night. Lord, help me through another night... I don't believe I will be able to get out of bed tomorrow if we have the same night. Poor Craig has a sinus infection, so he was feeling like poopoo.
I'm convinced it WILL be better!!!
I got home and had a bunch of sweet notes on my Facebook telling me good luck and that they were thinking and/or praying for me. Thanks guys... good friends are what gets me through!!!! And a good husband too...